Do I have to let my date know that I am currently in therapy?

 

Question:

Hi,

I am not actively dating yet though I am in Shidduchim.

I was wondering if halachically I have to let my date know – obviously in later stage – that I am currently in therapy.

I’m in therapy to grow as a person, doing generic therapy- working through things from my past (nothing like OCD/Depression etc.)

It is something I personally don’t think my husband would have to know as it doesn’t effect him in any way.

Also, I wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing it on a date as I feel that people look down on therapy and it may jeopardize my date.

 

Answer:

It is very difficult to answer such a question without knowing details about you, so I suggest you discuss this first with your therapist as well as your mashpia.

A few pointers:

Any physical or mental health issues must be discussed with your potential husband. This should not happen when you first meet, but later on. These must be shared after you get to know each other, but before the meetings become serious, when marriage is seriously being contemplated.

For things that are not in the above category, here is a rule of thumb: anything that if the other side would find out about, it will potentially harm the shidduch – it should be discussed at some point before the engagement.

On the same note: anything that the reaction will be “how could you not have told me?” – should be discussed.

An additional point to consider: If there are no mental health issues and you’re seeing a therapist for personal growth, then this is probably in line with a certain lifestyle, personality and mindset. You wrote that “people look down on therapy”, if your potential husband is from those people – then perhaps you don’t share the same views. In other words, if you are concerned that he looks down on therapy, he might be looking down on other things as well.

Like I wrote earlier, you should discuss this with people that know you better. The discussion with them will help clarify the halachic shaalah you have. May Hashem guide you and give you hatzlacha.

Besuros Tovos.

 

 

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