I was Disinvited for Driving on Shabbos!

 

Question:

If one leaves the home of the hosts before the end of Shabath is that person desecrating the Shabath of the hosts?

I travelled 11 hours (delays, traffic jam) NY to visit my cousin, hozeret l’tchuva, who was staying with her daughter in Brooklyn. They invited me to stay with them for Shabath, but when I said that I need to leave before the end of Shabath, they disinvited me, claiming that I would desecrate their observance. I do not believe that my action outside their home would have any impact on their behavior. I ended up staying with friends in Manhattan.

 

Answer:

Strictly speaking, one may not invite someone for Shabbos if it is known that the guest will be driving or otherwise violating Shabbos as a direct result of that invitation. See more here:

https://asktherav.com/tag/inviting-guests-that-will-drive/

 

P.S. Even if it would be true that a guest’s actions outside the home would not affect the hosts’ personal observance of Shabbos (for as mentioned earlier, the host is actually forbidden to invite guests in such a situation), Shabbos is not only an individual experience but also a shared sanctity of time and space. When a guest leaves a Shabbos setting in a way that directly leads to Melacha, the integrity of the Shabbos environment has been compromised for the host.

Shabbos is considered a gift from G-d – a day of rest and spiritual rejuvenation – rooted in the biblical account of Creation, where G-d rested on the seventh day. It is a covenant between us and G-d, a way to honor and acknowledge that relationship. When someone breaks Shabbos, it is seen as disregarding this covenant and the values it represents.

Imagine someone attending a wedding celebration, which honors the bond between the newly married husband and wife, and then introducing something that undermines that very bond. Such an act would inevitably detract from the celebration. Shabbos, too, is a day on which your hosts are celebrating the eternal bond between the Jewish people – the bride – and G-d – the groom. Desecrating Shabbos is perceived as creating a rupture in that bond. Not only would this be spiritually harmful for you – which your hosts are likely deeply concerned about – but it is also experienced as disrespectful to the “celebration” itself. Ultimately, it is about being considerate of their customs and values.

Last but not least, situations like this are often emotionally charged, especially when family members are at different stages of observance. From your perspective, it may have felt personal or unnecessary, since you did not intend to affect their Shabbos in any way. It is important to understand, however, that their reaction was likely rooted in a desire to protect the sanctity of Shabbos as they experience it – not in a rejection of you. Approaching it with this understanding allows one to interpret their reaction as coming from sincerity and reverence for Shabbos, rather than from judgment or lack of care.

 

 

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