Can I date a girl in a private home in Crown Heights? How would I go about Yichud?
Question:
Here are the conditions:The house is owned by an older couple who are vacationing out of town. Around five of their adult children (who all live in Crown Heights) have keys to the house. Some of them do go in once in a while. One of them goes in at least once a day, at any given time. Besides, there are two tenants living in the basement.
May I date there? Is opening a window shade facing the street enough? What if the children are told that a couple is dating, does that make it better (because they know to check up) or worse (because they might purposely avoid invading our privacy)? What if the doors between the house and the tenants are opened? What if the tenants are told about the date? What if they are told to go upstairs every once in a while? (and how often would that have to be)? Does it make a difference what time it is? At what point is it considered “Libo Gas Bah” (this is the third date)?
Answer:
If it is during the day, or the early hours of the night (when there are still plenty of people on the street), it would be enough if the door (in the room they are in) is opened to a reshus harabim, assuming it’s normal that people could enter in such a situation.
Opened windows to reshus harabim, would only work if you are constantly sitting in a place that is seen easily from outside.
In extenuating circumstances, you can rely on the relatives (at least 3) having access, and would conceivably visit during this time.
See here for more details:
Scheduling someone to come in frequently would also be an option, but they must pop in often. In addition, they must stagger their visits so that there isn’t a long stretch between appearances, and at times they return quite soon after departing. In the beginning of the dating process, it wouldn’t be considered Libo Gas Bo, but once it’s getting to a more serious stage it might be, and more Chumras would apply (see link above).
Sources:
פתח פתוח לרה”ר – אה”ע סי’ כב סעיף ט ובבאר היטב שם בנוגע איזה שעות מהני. ח”מ סקי”ג דלא מהני בלבו גס בה, אבל ראה בט”ז שם סק”ח שחולק. ועיין בספר שער יוסף בתשובות שבסוף הספר סי’ ג. צי”א ו סי’ מ פרק יב. וראה פת”ש שם סק”י, מה שמציין לחכמ”א שמסופק אם מהני לחצר שיש בה שלשה.
בחלנות פתוחים – ראה עזר מקודש אה”ע כב. יד יצחק ח”ג סי’ ר”כ. מהרש”ם ח”ב סי’ עו. צי”א שם פרק יא. ודוקא כשאינם גבוהות, ודוקא כשהם נראים ולא בזווית המוסתרת.
שומר יוצא ונכנס – ב”ש שם סקכ”ב. בית דוד אה”ע סי’ כה. צי”א שם פרק יח.
בגדר לבו גס בה – שם שו”ע סעיף ח גדלה עמו או שהיא קרובתו. אבל בערוה”ש שם סעיף ו מוסיף שגם כשיש ביניהם איזה היכירות, כגון בעניני מסחר וכיוצא. ועיין צי”א שם פרק יב. ולכאורה בפגישות בנשואין באופן הנהוג, אין בו משום לבו גס בה, עכ”פ מתחלה.
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